Wedding Weekend

This weekend was the wedding we’ve been planning for weeks, months, actually. I’m exhausted. The weather was beautiful this weekend, the sun was shining and a breeze was blowing, but it was still so hot, especially dressed in our black “server” outfits. We spent Friday night at Holly’s Mamaw’s, we set up chairs for the ceremony and stayed up cooking until 2 am. Awake again at 9:30 to cook some more. We nearly caught her front porch on fire when the deep fryer overflowed, and the closer it got to 4 o’clock the more hectic things became. We were trying to get last minute food stuff done, Haley was getting ready to walk down the aisle, her parents were getting ready, the photographer was wandering around taking pictures and my parents showed up too, so we had a full house. Eventually we managed to get all the food up to the tent and set up.

The ceremony wasn’t perfect by any means, the speaker kept messing up, the wind was blowing, so the candles wouldn’t light and the aisle runner blew out of place. No one seemed to know when to sit or stand… Haley was beautiful though and she seemed so happy.  As her mother said “She has loved his guts since the moment she met him.” I don’t think he’s good enough for her, I don’t think anyone could be though, I’ve watched her grow up, she’s a sister to me, and since I don’t have Carmen anymore, even more so.

It was a long weekend and my whole body hurts. I’m so glad that it’s over. Next weekend is Father’s Day and my birthday. We’re going to go cook dinner at my Papaws and spent the first half of the day with my family before going to Holly’s Mamaws to spend the last part of the day with her family. I’m going to my dad’s tomorrow to visit with Elizabeth also. I’m so thankful to have so much family in my life. I grew up with a big family and I loved it. But then things happened, too many people passed away, others moved away. My family became very small.  Then I became part of Holly’s family, at least I like to think I am anyway. And then I met my Dad and Elizabeth, and my family grew a little more. Now, Haley and Trevor are married and it’s gotten a little bigger.  I’m thankful for all of the people I consider to be my family. And even when I don’t agree with their choices, I’ll be there to support them, and celebrate with them. And apparently cook 200 pieces of chicken on very little sleep for them too.


Behold, the wonders of the Netty Pot.

I hate being sick. Who doesn’t, though? Monday I was fine. I got things accomplished, I even exercised that day, but by Monday night I was a snotty mess. By Tuesday, I had a sinus headache and a sore throat. Fast forward to today and I’m still sick, but I don’t feel like something ran me over repeatedly anymore.

I learned the last time I had a sinus infection that I can’t take sinus medication with my anxiety medication. Holly talked me into trying a Netty Pot and I was skeptical but willing to try just about anything. So I used it and while it was an odd thing to do, it helped. If you don’t know what a Netty Pot is, it’s essentially just a teapot for your nose. It comes with a saline solution, that you mix in with room temperature water (not from the tap!) You stick the spout up one side of your nose and tip your head (over a sink, obviously) and the water goes through your sinus’ and out the other side of your nose! The salt water clears out all the gunk clogged up in there. So you alternate, pouring water through and blowing your nose until you’ve used the whole pot and then you’re basically a new person. Sort of. It helped me a lot! I’ve used it everyday this week, which is probably the only reason why I’m getting better.

Other than that, I’ve been vegged out on the couch most of the week watching the Gilmore Girls over again. I’m on season 5, my favorite season. In Omnia Paratus!

Hopefully I’ll kick this infection completely soon, because as you all know, we have so much to do over the next couple of weeks and I don’t want to be doing it all while sick.

Also, I know that this post was pretty Netty Pot central, so I thought I’d let you know that while it totally could have been, it wasn’t sponsored. I just really like the Netty Pot and how much it helped me 🙂


Class of 2017

Saturday was Graduation day where I live. Holly’s sister graduated, so we were up way too early for a Saturday morning. (Holly worked 3rd shift Friday night, so she just didn’t get sleep.) We arrived at the school more than 2 hours early just to get a seat. We ended up having to stand in line anyway. It was crazy! They didn’t even get to fit everyone in the Gymnasium. Some people had to go to the Library or the Auditorium to watch the ceremony on a television screen. Lucky we were in the gym. I feel like if you aren’t going to be watching the ceremony in person, why be there at all? They really need larger accommodations for graduation, or else, only allow a certain number of guests per student. So we waited in the packed gym, squished into the bleachers. The people in front of us were extremely rude and kept yelling at their particular graduate on the floor randomly through the whole thing. Whenever it would get quiet, you could expect them to start shouting to her.

Finally though, it was over and we went to her celebration party. We didn’t stay longer than an hour or so because Holly needed sleep. It was strange, being back in the school that I went to, seeing the small changes that have happened over the years. It still smelled the same. Don’t schools always smell that way? I think they do. It was strange to see Haley graduating, because I’m pretty sure that she was just turning 13 yesterday and was so excited to finally get a Facebook account. That was yesterday. I swear. I feel old. Not to mention that I did not graduate from this school like I should have. I dropped out. Twice. And ended up getting my GED. We all have regrets and that is one of mine. But being back there brought up all that regret.

I’m happy for Haley though, she’s a great person, and though I might not always agree with the choices she makes (getting married so young and so fast) I love her like a sister, I watched her grow up and I hope that she goes far in life.

Congratulations to the class of 2017! 



May/June are so busy for us this year.

We’ve got a wedding shower and bridal shower to attend.

A Graduation to go to. (I haven’t been to a graduation at this school since the one for my sister in 2010. She passed away in 2009 and they left a seat open for her and gave her an honorary diploma.) Needless to say I’m not looking forward to it. I’m happy for Haley, but so anxious about being in that crowd. It’s more and more packed every year.

Wedding prep, making signs and food. Holly is in charge of food. The day of, she’ll be busy cooking 200 chicken strips/200 meatballs, and pulled BBQ pork.

The actual wedding. (Holly’s sister is graduating from high school on the 20th of May and getting married on the 10th of June.) Her mom has recruited us to work the wedding. There are four of us. Holly, myself and her two cousins. We’re actually wearing black tuxedo tees and black pants as a uniform. (She’s getting married in a field under a tent. It’s going to be so hot and if it decides to rain, I don’t know what we’ll do. )

Mine and Holly’s 12th anniversary is at the end of May.

Plus there is Mother’s Day – We spent the afternoon with my mom, my step-dad and my Papaw, we cooked her Sunday dinner and we all sat around watching tv. Holly made some amazing friend chicken which Papaw has requested for…

Father’s Day, which also happens to be the first day of…

A week long Vacation Bible School.

And 6 different birthdays thrown in through out those two months. (Holly’s cousin, her Mamaw, her step-dad, and her soon to be brother-in-law, plus my birthday and my sisters birthday, she would be 25 if she were still here today.)

We are in the middle of a very busy two months! I almost forgot to blog today actually because we were so busy, which is why this one is going up so late. Hours late. Sorry about that.


Happy Easter!

Today is Easter Sunday and unfortunately I’m a little too old to be visited by the Easter Bunny. An Easter basket full of books and chocolate sounds pretty great though, right?

We’re celebrating today with an Easter dinner and an all ages egg hunt. It’s what Holly’s family does every year. I love that they have traditions, because my family does not. Today’s post is super short.

Have a Happy Easter and enjoy the time with your loved ones!

anxiety · Reading · Uncategorized


Today is a rainy, ugly day. It’s Spring though, so that’s to be expected right? You might have noticed that my layout has changed. I can’t decide it I like it or not. I want my blog to be more organized, more professional. (Not that I’m profession, but I’m trying to be. Fake it ’til you make it, right?) I’ve been writing about books and reading more often, and that means I’ve strayed away from my original intent with this blog, which was to talk about anxiety. I do still talk about my struggles with mental illness, but I don’t think you’d know that at a glance.

I’d like to work on my blog some more, set it up so that you can select which topic you’re interested in, have them on separate pages maybe? I need to figure out how to do that. I also have been working and dreaming a lot of my online shop. As you might know, my Etsy page is empty. I’d like to set up my shop right here on ZaneAnxious, so that all of my stuff is in one place. Streamline everything. I want it to be cohesive and still look nice.

I’ve fallen into the niche of making watercolor bookmarks lately, so I’d like to start offering some of those up for sale. I’m not 100% confident about my abilities yet, but I’m getting there. Hopefully soon I’ll have it all figured out.

anxiety · Uncategorized

Will it get better?

My anxiety is rearing it’s ugly head again. To be specific, my hypochondria. Some day’s it’s fine, nothing at all, it doesn’t exist, but this week it’s all I can think about. I told myself yesterday “I’ll make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow.” But what did I tell myself today? “I’ll make an appointment on Monday if I’m still feeling anxious.” Guess whats going to happen on Monday.

The thing is, I get worked up over the smallest things. This time it’s a mole on my skin that I’ve had since I was a kid. Holly says it hasn’t changed at all, it looks like it always has, but if it would make me feel better, go get it checked out. I instantly panic at the thought of going to the doctor. She says, “if it’s nothing they can assure you, if it’s something, they can get rid of it.” Don’t you love how calm she is about this? I wish I could be. Holly does a really good job of making me feel better though. I couldn’t thank her enough for that. I feel like a crazy person that I get so worked up over this. It sends me into a spiral of anxious thoughts and I feel nauseous. Maybe I need my medication adjusted? Or maybe hypochondria is just something I’m going to have to learn to live with…forever. I hope not. Living in fear is no way to live.